To Fail
by EggMonster
Summary: Short, depressing bloop. I'm never good at these so I'll just command you to read and review all my stories because I am teh sex.


Professor Oak pushed on his brakes as he rode up to an old house at the edge of town. Straddling the bike and cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled, "Matsubi-san!"

He heard the clattering that he had expected, then the woman he expected came running around the house, practically falling over herself in her hurry. She was wearing traditional wooden shoes with her yukata, and her raven hair was tied up on her head, though strands had become lose around her flushed face. The dirt on the knees of her robe and on her hands made it apparent she had been spending the hot day out in the garden.

"Professor! Professor Oak!" she cried, grabbing the sleeves of his coat as she nearly fell into him. She looked up with anxiousness, like a girl looking to her grandpa for candy. "Have you gotten word from Blue? Have you heard from my son?"

"I just got a call from him. He wanted me to tell you he's coming home for a visit, and he'll be here in two days." Fyuumi Matsubi nearly cried out with glee, clasping her hands together. "Oh, that's such good news! How has he been on his journey? Are his poke'mon doing well? Is he getting stronger? Does he look the same? He's such a sweet, peaceful boy, I still don't know if he can make it fighting-"

"He's doing fine," Oak said, chuckling.

Fyuumi took a breath, then stepped back and began trying to brush the dirt off her clothes. "I'm so sorry for my appearance! I was working in the garden. The fruits aren't doing as well as I hoped." She took a breath, straightening her posture and pushing her hair back. "Thank you for coming over when he calls. Part of the reason we live this way is because that house is so old. I still haven't installed a phone cable yet!" Her voice was cheerful as both of them avoided the fact that the other reason was because Fyuumi was so poor, scraping out a living alone while her only son was gone.

"So, two days, huh?" Fyuumi put a hand to her forehead, looking around for even a hint of a cloud. "I hope it rains a little before he gets here; it's been so dry lately!"

* * *

The storm that was raining on Blue would dissipate before it reached Pallet Town, in the west. He wasn't sure, really, of where he was; he had called and told the Professor he would be coming home, and so he had stayed on course and kept going in one direction, but it might be the wrong way. It had been raining most of the day, and Blue was beginning to wonder if it was his own personal gloom cloud following him. Falling almost as persistently as the blood dripping from his head and side and flowing freely from the gash in his arm. He was sure the only thing keeping him from being completely drenched in red was the rain, which was steadily pounding harder and harder on him. Damn it, the blood flow really just would not stop…

He heard a couple shouts behind him, and Blue turned and looked down the road, where two children were running towards him. The boy cried, "I'll go get mom, you make sure he stays okay!" then forced an umbrella into the little girl's hands, and began sprinting down the road. 'He runs fast,' Blue thought hazily, noting the rain had eased slightly. A little girl was holding an umbrella over him, and it was obvious from her face she was trying to decide what to do. It was a pretty, dark umbrella…

"Hey! Don't pass out! Oh, noo!" The girl was close to tears now, and propped him up on the hill the dirt road ran next to. She was panicking, the umbrella was shaking so much it was hardly doing any good…

"Y-You shouldn't get dirt in your wounds.." she started, pulling a handkerchief from her dress pocket and wiping some of the mud and blood from the cuts on Blue's legs. Somewhere, a thought mentioned, 'It would be strange if she was found with a dead body.'

'_That's right, blood loss is almost as bad as dirty wounds, isn't it?_' "H-hey…" Blue managed to grunt, "tie that over the cut on my arm… right above it.. Make a tourniquet…"

After a stunned moment, the girl nodded and did as she was told, then took her hat pressed it against the cut on his side, trying to help the blood stop. "Uhm.. what.. what happened to you, sir?"

Blue didn't answer right away, and she didn't ask again. After a few more moments, he sighed, "I'm just weak."

"Well, you don't look weak! It just must've been someone really really strong!"

'Nice kid,' Blue thought, wondering if it would freak her out too much if he let himself pass out where he was. "Nah….. I thought I was strong… but someone close to me got taken away… He came back, but… but without him, I'm nothing. I couldn't even protect myself when he wasn't there, let alone save him." Blue's eyes were starting to glaze over. "Without him, I don't deserve to…live."

"Don't say that! My mom'll bring help. You'll be okay. You just have to stay strong! If you believe in yourself, I'm sure-"

"No… I did believe in myself. I just… couldn't do it. My friend… deserves better. I… don't deserve… anything." There was silence as the little girl frowned, then leaned on Blue's shoulder, adding her weight to the pressure against his wound. The umbrella had been laid on the ground a while ago, and the rain was falling freely.

Blue couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. "You'll get blood on you," he mumbled, looking down at the girl.

"…I'm sure there are people who need you, too. I'm sure that those people are only strong because you're there. I'm sure…"

Blue stood up, nudging the girl off. Her hat may have been thought originally red, with all the blood soaked in to it. She looked up at him, like she knew he was leaving and wanted to do anything to stop it.

"Go catch your brother. I don't need anything from you. Don't bother with me." Blue turned and staggered up the hill.

"Wait!" she cried. "My mother will have bandages at least, you need help-"

"Go home and wash up!" Blue barked. He didn't want to see her innocent, pure face. A child who thought belief and dreams could make things happen. He had a dream, didn't he? He would become a master of poke'mon, become praised, go exciting places… he had heard that you could make money from fighting, and he would even get his mother out of that little shack of a home and into a good house with phones and a roof that didn't leak…

He left the little girl there, who stared as he made his way up the hill and forced himself to keep walking. After a while, the rain stopped, but the sky was still a tumultuous grey when he found himself looking down into a lake from the edge of a rock jutting out from another hill, in a place much farther away from where he had bled on a small child. The lake seemed like a giant mouth in the earth, ready to swallow him up for his crime…

Blue looked down at the Poke'balls on his waist. He knew that short of being thrown into a volcano that these things would keep the Poke'mon inside safe, and that he hardly ha to worry. Now that he thought of it, every action he made was weak…

Blue shuffled to the edge of the rock, looking down.

'Was it true, Bulbasuar? Do I really make you stronger? Do you guys really need me?'

Blue pushed off, falling down towards the lake surface. He could almost imagine the water taking him, consuming him and suffocating him in its depths, wrapping around him and squeezing out any worry or hope…

'You guys are just so strong without me trying to own you…'

* * *

Fyuumi stood in front of the many shelves in the store in Viridian, glazed eyes unfocusedly trained on the bags of rice. She was wearing the dress she always wore when she went out, an old, pale one, and an old pair of modified indoor shoes, her hair simply tied back in a ponytail. The people passing her floated in and out of her radar as she frowned. She had wanted to buy fresh rice to serve to Blue upon his return, but…

"Oh, Matsubi-san!" Fyuumi snapped out of her trance and glanced up at one of the wives from town calling to her. Most of the women in Pallet came to the store together on Mondays, making the long walk together early in the morning, buying enough food to last the week, and walking back as a group. Pallet had its own store, but it was so small and the rice was not the best quality. Fyuumi normally bought rice in Pallet and grew her own vegetables. It had been a long time since she went with these women.

"Matsubi-san, I was talking with Chihiro, and she said she might have seen your son. He's coming back tomorrow, right?"

Fyuumi was slowly giving this lady more of her attention. "Blue?"

"Yes! Chihiro said she saw him walking back while she entered the store, so she stopped and called out to him! He was rude to her, and didn't even stop to greet her, so she wasn't sure it was him and didn't mention it until now. Your son was always a nice boy, wasn't he?"

Fyuumi tottered for a minute, her expression blank. There was the sudden clatter of her empty basket hitting the ground as Fyuumi began running, out of the store and down the street, down the road and pass the entrance to Viridian, in to the open land and grassy fields between the two towns, and only stopped to fall to her knees and gulp some water when she came across a small pond. And then almost instantly she had caught her breath and was jogging again, and the path that was normally referred to as the long walk seemed to take seconds yet still took far too long. She was full out running again when Pallet came into view, and then, as she drew closer to the town, she spotted a figure walking slowly down the road.

Fyuumi knew, as a mother, it was inappropriate for her to behave so foolishly, but as she drew closer to her son she all but tackled him, wrapping her arms around him and falling against him. She heard the startled cry, and knew it really was Blue.

"Blue! Dear, I was so worried! You're early! I didn't get to buy rice! How are you? Do you need anything! I'm so glad to see you!"

"Mom," Blue laughed quietly, "I'm sorry to sound cold, but I'm so tired right now, and I can't hold your weight."

"Oh!" Fyuumi cried, letting go and turning Blue around so she could see his face. "You're so thin! And your face! Have you slept at all lately? And _what happened!_" She yelled, catching sight of the wounds not only on his face, but the sickly-looking gash on his arm and the dried blood on his ripped pants.

"I'll tell you when we get home," Blue said tiredly, "but right now I just want some food and to sleep in a nice bed."

"Of course… Of course." Fyuumi was regaining her composure, and she would have to trust he would be all right until he could tell her about it. She led him though town on her arm, not like a poke'mon master's mother should, but Blue was too weary to complain. The sun was low by the time they reached home, and he nearly passed out on to the floor, sitting up only long enough to shovel some tomatoes and turnips into his mouth in silence as his mother laid out the bed, and then Blue slept, his mother tending to his wounds as he lay in dreamless sleep.

Blue slept nearly two days. Waking up, his mother immediately urged him to eat again and then to take a bath. Blue couldn't work up the strength to protest, and didn't really plan to do anything else.

The only good thing about their small, old home was the undersized outdoor hot spring. Blue relaxed there, feeling as though every emotion from the last few days, including the insanity and the apathy, was being washed away. Blue was feeling something even cleaner than apathy, something without name.

Glancing down at the bandages, he felt a strange voice in the back of his head. He had jumped into the water, not caring if he died or not. He had no faith in himself- as if every desire and need was gone. He fell into a sleep at the bottom of the deep lake, yet woke up in shallow water- and he had no idea how or why. It was a strange thing to ask questions without ever dream of wanting another answer, to anything.

Blue's mother had put on the bandages. Blue needed to live, for her sake at least.

He leaned back, the steam seeming to suffocate him. But what else should he do, besides living?

His poke'mon hadn't been let out for days. They might find that odd, but they could probably sense what was going on, even inside Poke'balls. He could picture them, his belt with his hat and bag in his house, but he couldn't imagine what they were thinking, with his lifeless, then erratic behavior.

Blue rested his head and arms on his knees. He was still so exhausted- as if he had been losing not only will but also strength with each passing day. It wasn't long before the suffocating steam engulfed him, and Blue faded into the water… again…

And just like he had melted into water before, the gas rose into his eyes as before, just as stifling… he could feel the teeth on his side and the spikes on his legs… then the force that could splinter not would but cells as a gash exploded open on his arm… something hit his head and… Blue couldn't see through the blood.

He tried wiping it off, he blinked, coughed, and it splattered from his forehead, but at least now he could see. He saw a little girl. The little girl from before, with the same short dark hair. She was naked as she walked over, taking off Blue's red cap and pulling it on to her own head. She remained naked even though she pulled it past her head, over her whole body, the red engulfing her tiny form…

"You don't deserve… to dream… you don't deserve to see."

Blue reached out to hug her, to apologize, to take off that ugly red hat… but she merely smiled through the blood, eating the cloth.

"The earth hates you."

Something fat and heavy dripped from Blue's mouth as the little girl bent down to take a bite of the flesh on his side. "Your sin…"

There was a splash, and Blue woke up with a start. The hot water somehow seemed cold and unusual. His head was throbbing.

Blue buried his face in his arms. His mother was here. He had to stay alive and healthy for his mother.

But what then? Blue had lost all will to do anything else. So what should he do if he was living?

**Author's Notes: **So, if you couldn't tell, my stories are usually short, annoying, and have no point or conclusion. I also realised this could easily be changed around so it doesn't even have to involve poke'mon. I had all these ideas for scenes with Blue and his Poke'mon, but I didn't even really put Bulbasuar in there. -.- Sorry. I'll try harder next time.

Oh, and I don't own Poke'mon. u.u Though I do seem to own many whiney, apathetic characters lately.

I really like Blue's mother. I'm surprised I haven't drawn her yet.


End file.
